There is literally nothing harder than figuring yourself out, at least for most people. It’s scary but the most rewarding. Don’t worry about what everyone else wants or thinks because you will probably find yourself disappointed down the line. You’re only ever going to be you deep down and there’s nothing better than the moment you accept that. Accept it and love it. Do you.
In any real relationship, you are bound to disagree, argue, and or fight. I was talking about friendships yesterday and that they are work. No one is exactly like you, thinks exactly the way that you do and agrees with every thought you have. And I think when we get into fights with the people we love or we disagree with them, we can forget the things we love about them. We are capable of being so consumed by our current situation that we can’t see outside of it.
So my advice to myself and anyone reading, try and remember the good before letting the bad feelings consume you.
Demand something more.
I am someone who would people-hoard if it were possible. I will be friends with pretty much anyone who talks to me. I won’t just be an acquaintance, I’ll be a full out best friend. I’ll trust anyone and everyone. I also never want anyone to leave.
However, you get older and you outgrow people, your lives change, you change and you realize you are drawn to certain people over others. And frankly, people are going to let you down, not all but some. That’s why when you truly have a best friend, they are the best friend to you.
Something I struggle with a lot is letting people go. But sometimes, you just have no other choice. You have to decide the kind of relationships you want to build with the people around you and you have to realize that not everyone will share those same beliefs. It’s sort of like finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, you don’t just date everyone and you don’t fall in love with just anyone. I believe the same goes for friends. I have my own set of beliefs when it comes to being a friend and i’ve had friends over the past couple of years that I noticed had the same belief and others that did not.
I’m not saying you can’t be friends and you need to cut out anyone that doesn’t share the same beliefs as you. However, when it comes to best friends and the strong relationships you build with those select people, you will probably notice that your beliefs are rather similar when it comes to how you treat relationships.
I’ve realized that a lot of this happened as I turned 24. When you’re younger you tend to take for granted the fact that the best friends you have usually go to school with you. It doesn’t take much effort to maintain friendships. When you’re older, you have school and jobs and familial obligations which tend to put a strain on the best of friendships. In your 20s, you also start to figure out who you are (Not saying that can’t start happening sooner or later than this**). When you start to learn about your preferences and where you’ll be heading in your life, you start to realize that not everyone fits the way they used to in your life.
But, I’m rambling. My point in all of this is that friendships, like any relationship, is difficult. Not everyone will share the same beliefs, understand and love you. Be O.K. to let people go, if they’re true friends, they’ll come back. Don’t accept less than what you believe you deserve in any relationship. Treat your friendships like you would any loving relationship.
So just go with it. I think we all think that by hiding our feelings and acting like we don’t care makes the hurt lessen. In my experience, it never has. So, feel how you feel and accept that people will disappoint you. There’s a difference between accepting people will disappoint you and letting them hurt you time and time again. Go into every relationship with the idea that people can disappoint you and people can surprise you. You can’t predict the future so go with what feels right.
It’s funny that as you get older, peer pressure and the fear of being judged can still keep you from doing things. I haven’t written in a while and I think a lot of that is the fear of being judged for my feelings. I’m 25 and still, to some degree, care what other people think about me. It will bother me so much when someone doesn’t like me or gets the wrong idea about me. I think we all think that we get to an age where it doesn’t matter anymore but that’s just not true. I think the only way to really stop caring about the opinion of others is when you are truly content with yourself and where you’re going in life. Even still, there’s going to be those moments of self doubt. It’s something that we just don’t talk about and we all assume everyone else is just better off emotionally than us.
We are all fighting our own battles. People will judge you no matter what you do so you might as well just do it. Keep trying to figure you out without worrying about other people. As long as you’re trying to be nice and trying your best, you’re good. BE YOU.
(Most of this was like my own personal pep-talk today)
In reference to my twerk post, I’m also about as gangsta as Taylor. But I think this is totally amazing.
Subtitles in English and Spanish.
For all, LIKE ME, who had no idea how to twerk. Taken from The New York Post, so it’s legit.
3 years later, I finally have my life together. It’s crazy to think about the person I was and how awful I felt then versus where my life has led me. I just needed to write this so that whomever still reads here can see that it can take a long time, but life moves on. You just have to live your life and move with it. It doesn’t always mean that you’ll get what you want at that moment, and when you look back, those things might not even be what you really want. When you get into your 20s, your life vastly changes. Every year I look back to the previous year and I’m shocked.
I’m now moving out on my own, back in college, working a job I love, dating a wonderful person and have a group of supportive friends and family. But it took me a good three years to get myself on track.
3 years ago I thought I’d never love again. I thought my whole life ended. I just tried to fill the gaps in my life. You just learn that you need to just go with it. There are 6 billion people in the world. You will survive. You will meet new loves and friends. You can get a new job. You can go back to school. You’ll make life choices. You can make things right.
But no matter what, you can turn it around and you can be okay. It just might take a while. It might sound scary and impossible. I felt that way, but if you take it day by day, you can start to make plans and focus on you so that things will begin to fall into place.